


Of Nicknames and Tardiness

by lintuinblue



Category: Actor RPF, Sherlock Holmes (Downey films)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Married Couple, Mpreg, Out of Character, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 08:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lintuinblue/pseuds/lintuinblue
Summary: A tooth-rotting, completely OOC fluff about people being dumb and in love. There is also a new born baby.





	Of Nicknames and Tardiness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FatimaAlegra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatimaAlegra/gifts).



> @FatimaAlegra, beloved sister, I just wanted to make something for you, but I can't for the love of me to write anything new, so here's a translation (with a few tweaks) of my old efforts to make you smile! 
> 
> To anyone else reading: yes, the tenses are fucked, 'cause no matter how long you study English you never know if it's past perfect or just perfect, oh, and it's also a narration, shouldn't it all be in present tense? Also, punctuation. Never met her.  
> If you see the mistakes and are willing to help me correct them, I would certainly welcome it!

*

\- If you don’t drag your sorry American ass down here in the soonest time possible, believe me, you’re _so_ going to regret it!

\- But, dumpling, you of all people should know that I can’t sneak off the film set just like that. I’ll hop on the first plane to London the second they let me off the hook. 

\- For the last three months I have been continuously tortured by nausea, I practically live on the bathroom floor, because no one can predict when the bloody morning sickness is going to strike, my legs are constantly swollen and I can’t leave the house, because I may lay down and nap between the stair flights on a whim, because I can’t control my own body, obviously, and _you_ , you’ve been chilling around in your darned states for almost three weeks now! And you have the _audacity_ to tell _me_ about your struggles with filming!?..

\- Okay, okay, darling, calm down. You’re getting yourself worked up for no good reason. You know that I had signed the contract for this part long before any of _it_ started. I can’t let them down like this…

\- Oh, you can’t let them down, can you? Dear god, I might as well’ve been married to a telegraph post, don’t you think? I’m sure even a post wouldn’t be so dense as to miss the birth of his own child!

\- Ouch, that stings, but I’ll take it, I deserved it…I only need two more days and I’ll be at your unlimited disposal.

\- Don’t sweat it, you’re not getting away with anything this time. You’ve got two days, and don’t you dare miss the due date, don’t you dare…Bring me new neckties!

\- Your wish is my command!

\- Why do I even bother with you. You’re so…so…

\- Charming and irresistible?

\- Oh, I would tell you who you are, in an excruciating detail, but I’d only be wasting my bre-…Uh-oh.

\- That is not a good “uh-oh”, what’s wrong?

\- I--I think it’s starting, I’m so scared, what do I do?..

\- No, wait, it can’t be starting, it’s too early! What’s happening? Hello?

*

Robert Downey Jr. has never been good at being on time. It’s not unlike him to show up at a meeting 1,5 hour early and then blame the other party for being late, or to forget about dinner heating up in the microwave, go out for an evening walk only to come back to a kitchen going down in flames. So unsurprisingly, even the birth of his own child did not become an exception. He was only late for 12 hours (which, by his standards, was not a very big deal, really), but he was pretty sure his beloved husband wouldn’t be as unassuming.  That was the thing they had: one of them (Robert) would screw up, the other would threaten an immediate divorce or something even worse like sleeping in separate bedrooms… So yeah, he was definitely in a big trouble this time, regardless the amount of new-born baby stuff he had crammed his suitcase with.

When he finally made it to the hospital and got to the ward he’d been instructed how to find by a dumbstruck night nurse, the picture he was met with was not the one he’d been expecting at all.

Jude was sitting on the bed, obviously upset with something and glaring a whole in the opposite wall. This was probably not the best moment to interrupt, least of all to come back from an extended absence, but there was no coming back for Robert anyway.  

\- Oh, there you are! I thought you’d be still sleeping, wanted to surprise you and… - the nonchalant tone seemed to have no effect whatsoever, so he had to start begging for mercy right away, - Yes, I know you’re mad at me for being so, so late, but I assure you I did everything I possibly could to get back sooner, I swear! I even managed to hitch a plane already taking off, can you imagine? Will you at least look at me, please?

No reaction.

Robert stepped deeper into the room and sat on the floor at Jude’s feet, fighting the urge to wrap himself around his knees.

 - God, is there anything I can do now? You’d be pleased to hear they said they didn’t want to deal with me any longer and would shoot the rest of the scenes with the double, they practically kicked me off the set. That’s how much I wanted to be here on time! – at that Jude couldn’t suppress a satisfied smile slipping from his lips, but quickly regained the previous offended stance, - Tell me at least how it all went? Is everything okay? Where is the baby after all?  

\- Too late.

\- What? Why late? Dear god, you’re scaring me, did something really happen?

\- _You’re_ too late, - Jude finally uttered, articulating the words slowly and meticulously and turning to face his wayward, but still beloved husband, - And I’ve already made up my mind on your punishment.

\- Oh no, is there anything worse than being at your mercy and service for the next gazillion of years for little poor me?

\- That, too. You’re going to decide on our daughter’s name. All by yourself. And you should probably know I haven’t liked anything suggested so far.

\- So, you’re not going to threaten me with divorce again, ‘cause you know I hate it when you do that, that’s the worst of them al-…Wait what?! What did you just say, what? Me, choosing the name? You see the problem here, don’t you? I’m not doing it! You know how bad I am at making decisions, let alone the important ones! I don’t even know what kind of ramen soup I like…Come on, pumpkin, you can’t make me do it, anything else, but not this!.. – Robert was whining in a weak attempt to somehow escape his grim fate.  

\- You had it coming, mr. I’m-A-Big-Shot-Hollywood-Star. So come on, get to it, and stop wailing, it’s getting on my nerves, - Jude shifted his gaze back to Robert, this time not really bothering to hide his amusement at the long suffering look on Robert’s face.

After a short beat of silence and stifled smiles, Robert leaned in and slightly pecked a still trembling with mirth Jude on the lips.

\- Can I at least go see my own child just for a second? If you’ll kindly indulge me, oh, my mighty tyrant?

\- Go, they don’t let people inside the ward yet, anyway. And don’t think you’ll get away easily with calling me a tyrant…

*

Indeed, Robert couldn’t make it past the entrance door of the natal room, and he had to make shift with looking through the window for the time being. He almost instantly recognized his daughter among the rest of the newborns. It was a pretty scary feeling – seeing yourself in the face of such a little, fragile creature and realizing that you’re now fully responsible for this new life, that it depends on you. He was watching her and couldn’t tear his eyes away, couldn’t move a single limb like he was caught in between a time lapse. It’s indeed a miracle. And he managed to miss it happening. In that moment he firmly decided to never be late ever again (he’ll have to ask Jude to teach him, though).

*

When he came back to the room, he found Jude already dosing off, but there was still an evident stressed out crease between his eyebrows. Which was quite suspicious. Robert approached the bed and got down beside it to be at the same eye level with Jude.

\- Since you’re obviously asleep, I guess, we’ll go with my choice of the name…Trixibelle.

This time he didn’t have to beg for any response; Jude’s whole body tensed up and he was staring back at Robert with a clear intent of “murder” written on his face.

\- You and your ideas are going to drive me insane one day, and believe me, _you’ll_ be the one to regret it the most!

\- Hmm, I got an excellent argument to that, but we still can’t get you nervous yet, can we? How about you scoot and let me squeeze in with you?

He only got a muffled grumble in response, which sounded consensual enough.

*

\- Are you asleep?

\- Yes.

\- Good. I just forgot to tell you something very important…That I love you. You and the little miracle, who for some dumb reason is not with us right now, are the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.

\- Oh, that is so nice of you to wake me up in the middle of the night to confess your love…We’re married, you don’t ha-…

\- No, I’m serious. I’ll tell it more often, if you want.

\- Why? You’re going to be at my full disposal for the next three months, so think of maybe some other ways to make up for your absence…

\- Ok then, how do you feel about Poppy Bright Red? Or Violet Blue?

\- Ugh, why do you hate our daughter already? Why the colored name? What are you even thinking? _God_ …

\- I missed you so much, my grumpy pumpkin pie!

\- _Shut up!..._


End file.
